My shoulder is having a muscle spasm, which is something my body does a couple of times a year in order to remind me I should meditate on my own mortality and the frailty of the human animal in general. Or something like that. So I kind of can’t move, and am bored. Knitting hurts but I’m doing it anyway because it’s better than sewing.

In order to spare you further whining, I have provided instead this silly meme:

IF YOU WERE A LITTLE GIRL IN THE 70’S……

1. You had that Fisher Price Doctor’s Kit with a stethoscope that actually worked. Yep. Actually I think it was my brother’s.

2. You owned a bicycle with a banana seat and a plastic basket with flowers on it. Let’s just not discuss how long it took me to learn to ride a bike.

3. You learned to skate with actual skates (not roller blades) that had metal wheels. Yes. They clamped on and had a key.

4. You thought Gopher from Love Boat was cute (admit it!) No.

5. You had nightmares after watching Fantasy Island. I would have nightmares after watching Fantasy Island NOW.

6. You had either a “bowl cut” or “pixie”, not to mention the “Dorothy Hamill”.
Pixie. And for the record, having read ahead, I would just like to state that little girls in the 70s, based on myself and my friends, were not as “precocious” as this quiz is trying to indicate. And, both shows from the last two questions were on past my bedtime.

7. You had rubber boots for rainy days and Moon boots for snowy days. Pink rubber boots. With snoopy on them. And later, white ones.

8. You owned a “Slip-n-Slide”, on which you injured yourself on a sprinkler head more than once. No.

9. You owned “Klick-Klacks” and smacked yourself in the face more than once ! What? What are you talking about?

10. Your Holly Hobbie sleeping bag was your most prized possession. No. I had a “real” sleeping bag for actual camping, where cute pictures will not keep you warm.

11. You wore a poncho, gauchos, and knickers. Unapologetically.

12. You begged Santa for the electronic game, Simon. No. My friend had one, it was dumb.

13. You had the Donnie and Marie dolls with those pink and purple satiny shredded outfits, or the sunshine family. Both. And the Sunshine Family had grandparents and babies of both genders. And my dad built them a house. In case you were going to ask, I also had a Princess Leia doll.

14. You spent hours in your backyard on your metal swing set with the trapeze.  It tipped over at least once. Yes, and no. Parents had common sense and cement.

15.You had homemade ribbon barrettes in every imaginable color. Only a few colors

16. You had a pair of Doctor Scholl’s sandals (the ones with hard sole & the buckle). You also had a pair of salt-water sandals. I had what we called water buffaloes, is that what you’re talking about in that last bit?

17. You wanted to be Laura Ingalls Wilder really bad; you wore that Little House on the Prairie-inspired plaid, ruffle shirt with the high neck in at least one school picture; and you despised Nellie Oleson! Honey, I AM Laura Ingalls Wilder.

18. You wanted your first kiss to be at a roller rink! Again with the precocity!
19. PONG! (“video tennis” ) was the most remarkable futuristic game you’ve ever heard of ! No, Space Invaders was. They had both at that roller rink you were asking about.

20.Your hairstyle was described as having “wings” or “feathers” and you kept it “pretty” with the comb you kept in your back pocket. When you walked, the “wings” flapped up and down, looked like you were gonna “take off” No again – technically that was moving into the 80s. If you remember your own question, I had a pixie in the 70s.

21. You know who Strawberry Shortcake is, as well as her friends, Blueberry Muffin and Huckleberry Pie. Yes.

22. You carried a Muppets lunch box to school and it was metal, not plastic.
With the thermos inside some were glass inside and broke the first time you dropped them. Mine was Robin Hood, thank you very much! But it WAS plastic, there was a metal one later which was plaid.

23. You and your girlfriends would fight over which of the Dukes of Hazzard was your boyfriend. Oh, I’m not even going to address this.

24. YOU had Star Wars action figures, too! And the Death Star.

25. It was a big event in your household each year when the “Wizard of Oz” would come on TV. Your mom would break out the popcorn and sleeping bags! And the Sound of Music!

26. You often asked your Magic-8 ball the question: “Who will I marry.
Shaun Cassidy, Leif Garrett, or David Cassidy?” No

27. You completely wore out your Grease, Saturday Night Fever, and Fame soundtrack record album. No, I completely wore out Free to be You and Me, Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat and Jesus Christ Superstar. And if you don’t know when the first Joseph album came out, just walk away.

28. You tried to do lots of arts and crafts, like yarn and Popsicle-stick God’s eyes, decoupage, or those weird potholders made on a plastic loom. It doesn’t count as a craft unless it’s good for something. But yes.

29. You made Shrinky-Dinks and put iron-on kittens on your t-shirts! I make shrinky-dinks NOW, and my mom had fabric crayons and puffy paint and let me make T-shirts with those. Also some weird image transfer involving chemicals. All of which, come to think of it, I also do now.

30. You used to tape record songs off the radio by holding your portable tape player up to the speaker. How else would you do it?

31. You had subscriptions to Dynamite and Tiger Beat. No

32. You learned everything you needed to know about girl issues from Judy Blume books. (Are you there God, It’s me, Margaret.) Everything except what I learned from Laura Ingalls Wilder!

33. You thought Olivia Newton John’s song “Physical” was about aerobics. Isn’t it?

34. You wore friendship pins on your tennis shoes, or shoelaces with heart or rainbow designs. Both.

35. You wanted to be a Solid Gold dancer. No. Really, no.

36. You drowned yourself in Love’s Baby Soft – which was the first “real” perfume you ever owned. No, I drowned my sleeping father in something from Avon, which since he was allergic to it meant that I had no perfume for a very long time.

37. You glopped your lips in Strawberry Roll-on lip-gloss till it almost dripped off. I had strawberry chapstick…

Also, in case you find memes very annoying but have for some reason read this far anyway, here is a blurry picture of Ripper, the Porch Chicken.

I tried and tried, but he wouldn’t hold still. He wanted to know what the camera was. Ripper lives on the porch because it’s the only way we can make sure he’s eating. He’s some kind of anorexic chicken, or something, and was actually very very ill from starving himself before I dragged him in the house and shoved high-calorie foods down his gullet. He does not look at all evil “in person”, that must be a side-effect of the blurry.

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